Mrs LeBrick woke up in the morning feeling exhausted…YET AGAIN. It had been an intense, full-on two weeks.
She had spent the night before trying to fix the camera on her computer. She needed it to work for an interview in 2 days but it didn’t look like it could be fixed. She finally found a good replacement webcam but she would have to reschedule the interview and this was less than ideal when you want the job.
In addition to the interview, she had been busy juggling other responsibilities including taking Baby LeBrick to several play dates, leading a meetup group, organizing a block party and keeping on top of her freelancing work.
Baby LeBrick seemed happy but Mrs LeBrick was worried that she wasn’t doing enough to help Baby LeBrick’s development. Often, she would have to ignore Baby LeBrick so that she could get some work done.
It did not help that Mr LeBrick had been working 60 hour weeks and she could not ask him for help either. He was spending late nights at the office or working till the early hours of the morning from home. He had spent most of the weekend working too. Even when he was home, he was so exhausted that he wasn’t really spending quality time with Baby LeBrick. The LeBrick family had not sat down together for a proper family dinner for a while. Laundry for the LeBrick family had not been done for two weeks either and the LeBricks were down to a few items of clean clothing left.
On top of this, it had been the hottest week of the summer so far (around 100 degrees) and their central air-conditioning had suddenly stopped working. Baby LeBrick did not like the heat and at 8.45pm, the LeBricks had rushed down to Home Depot to get a window air-conditioner. Thankfully, Mr LeBrick was skilful enough to install the window air-conditioner within an hour but it was still an exhausting and stressful night for everyone. They also still needed to arrange for a person to come fix the broken central air-conditioner and who knows how much was that going to cost?
It just seemed like there was too much going on, all at the same time and everyone was exhausted.
Have you ever felt the same?
Feeling Overwhelmed
When you are a mom, there are many days when you may feel overwhelmed. You have piles of laundry undone, the kitchen floor is starting to look gross, your living room looks like a cyclone hit it more than once and you have been eating way too much unhealthy food.
Sometimes it feels like everything is just too much. Too much mess, too much housework, too much outgoing expenses, too much fighting with your spouse, too much interrupted sleep, too much crying or whining from the children…just too much.
You may feel unsupported, taken for granted…perhaps, even unloved.
1. Stop and Be Still
When it gets to this point, it’s time to put everything on pause and just have yourself to yourself for a while.
I don’t mean ignoring things that are important and urgent (such as removing a dangerous item from your baby or food that is cooking on the stove top). But just take a mental break.
To do this, you need to be able to focus internally without distractions. So place your child in a secure area such as a portable play yard with safe toys or in a safe crib. For older children, you could leave them in their room.
Try to be still. Just STOP doing anything or thinking about anything. If you are physically exhausted, just sit down for a while.
Focus on your breathing for a few minutes (aka meditation).
If you can’t stop thinking worrying thoughts, you may even want to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal– it helps me a lot!
Have a good cry if you need it.
Your child may start whining or crying but if you know that he or she is not in physical danger, you can ignore them for a few minutes. Just allow yourself a few minutes for you.
2. Step up and forward
Once your breathing is calm and slow, it’s time to work on getting yourself to a higher place mentally and emotionally.
Think about the small wins; the mini, little steps of progress and improvements that you have achieved or that has just naturally happened.
“Did you manage to get out of bed even though you were tired?”
“Has your child smiled at you today?”
“Did you manage to make it outside for some fresh air?”
It doesn’t matter how tiny the improvements are. The point is that if things are improving a little, things will keep getting better and better. Don’t be tempted to focus on how much more needs to be done. Focus on what has already been achieved.
I bet that you have wins to be grateful for. You should be proud of yourself.
3. Simplify
I ask myself this question every time I feel overwhelmed. ‘What really matters now?’
Often, I would have taken on too much unnecessarily at once or just over-committed myself to too many responsibilities or expectations.
Simplify and reprioritize.
Our child seemed happy and healthy and truly, that’s all that mattered.
4. Sip & Snack
When we are dehydrated and hungry, we feel more cranky, tired and less able to function. So make sure you feed and water yourself. A hungry mommy is not a happy one.
For some of us, we just simply need a drink of water. For others, it’s a cup of tea. Some of you need more coffee while others need a glass of wine. Whatever it is, treat yourself to it but don’t go overboard (at least not with the glass of wine!)
If you are starving, find yourself something to eat. Eat something good for you if you have it. If you have no time to prepare anything, don’t judge yourself. Eat anything- chocolate can work wonders!
5. Sleep
Okay, suggesting sleep may sound ridiculous but I have tried catching a quick 10-minutesleep when my child is napping and it has worked wonders! Even if you don’t actually fall asleep, it helps to lie down. A lie down is a luxury that we normally don’t give ourselves. So if you can, go for it! No guilt allowed.
At the end of the day, be kind to yourself. The fact that you are reading this shows that you care about things and care alone already indicates that you are doing a good job.
When it gets too much, it is often a case of a lack of resources (time, energy, money etc) conflicting with the standards that we (or others) have set.
Should you lower your standards? It depends.
If you are just having an off-day, give yourself a day off from fulfilling those standards. If you are experiencing constant overwhelm, then it’s probably time to lower those standards. When things are more manageable, you can always lift those standards again. Often, we have more control than we realize. At the very least, take care of yourself as much as you can. The better you feel, the more you will be able to deal with whatever comes up.
